Horoscopes

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156

Aries

(March 21-April 19):

Please don’t wear shape-ups. They are ugly and won’t shape you up enough to be able to bear the shame of wearing them.

Taurus

(April 20-May 20): Your room is starting to smell moldy. It’s time to investigate. Consider it spring cleaning, just a little early. Your roommates will thank you for it.

Gemini

(May 21-June 21):

Be aware of coming on too strong this week. Valentine’s Day has passed and so has the time to make the big gesture.

Cancer

(June 22-July 22):

Express your bold nature through clothing. Nothing says look at me like something shimmery or a smooth pair of shoes, so use this opportunity to splurge a little.

Leo

(July 23-Aug. 22):

Take a trip to the gym and watch the Zumba class. Participating is an entirely different matter, but one you should consider. Go early though, because spaces fill up quick for that class.

Virgo

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22):

Think hard about Spring Break this year. Is Cabo really necessary? Yes, it is. Just make sure to bring sunscreen and to go with the shirt you’ll buy that advertises that you’re a tourist. Nothing is worse than looking like a lobster in a shirt that is already too colorful.

Libra

(Sept. 23-Oct. 23):

It’s time to confront the lie you’ve been living. Even if it’s just admitting that you love the Justin Bieber. You may find you aren’t alone.

Scorpio

(Oct. 24-Nov. 21):

It’s Frugal February for you. That means no shopping trips or impulse purchases online simply because you’re bored.

Sagittarius

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21):

Your mother is uncomfortable with the decisions you’ve been making. You have two options: one, take a moment and fill her in, or two, stop posting your pictures of last night’s party on your facebook, or at least don’t tag yourself in them. De-tag from other’s photos as needed.

Capricorn

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19):

Spend some time by yourself this week. Clear your head and enjoy the weather, if only to use it as an excuse to creep on athletic people showing off their sporty half naked bods while playing frisbee in the park.

Aquarius

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18):

Explore meditation or yoga. It will soothe the anxiety you’ve been feeling. Soon everything will be sorted out and you’ll know what the next step is.

Pisces

(Feb. 19-March 20):

Your natural odor is intoxicating—take advantage of that.

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